when i'm mad at myself

its because i know that i ruined a friendship and it was all my fault..my crisising, my compulsion...and i miss talking to you...you always brought a calm over me that was very rare when i was freaking out...your positive approach to life and your rationality really inspired me...and now i'm scared to talk to you because i don't want to do it again. the random small conversations we have...are great-its good to know that you will still talk to me, but i just wish i hadn't done what i did..and that somehow we can get back to how it was before i fucked up and crossed the line between friend and soundboard...i never meant to do it, i never want to do it again, but that's why i can't even try right now..i know it will come back and i don't want to screw up even more

but i miss you...a lot

i'm scared that i screw up every friendly relationship that i have...and i don't want to do that

i've always felt like i don't belong...and now that i've found some people that i do belong with, I'm moving away from them...and others, sometimes i just don't know since i screw things up...i just want to find my place in the world...find the unconditional love....to be accepted for my faults and imperfections...i know i'm full of them...but who can love me for me