what if

I took the time that every one is telling me to take for myself

for one day that I didn't answer any calls, texts, emails, or IMs? Because I'm really just over all of it....I'm also sick of seeing your name, i feel like you m ake me look bad because I can't be there all the time..and well i am probably not as fun as you..sad part is that you LIKE that I feel this way...i dont know why you think you're such an awesome person...you aren't. end.

whatever..im so stressed at work-our upgrade f'd over our whole system and so much shit is f'd up...i got screamed at by a customer today and had other customers yell at me...I do AS MUCH AS I CAN IN MY POWER to help you out and you don't even fucking say thank you..who the fuck taught you your manners? you can't even say you have a good day too...i mean come the fuck on..at the end of the day, I go home just like you...i'm a person, I have feelings and I work hard to do whatrever I can to help you..show some fucking appreciation...some of this stuff isn't my fault.I GET that you have patients who are in need of our products, but things happen that we can't control...yes our system fucked up, but we will do whatever we can to help you...so just be civil, say thank you and don't hang up on us

so obviously i dont even need other bullshit..and now every single thing is making me upset. i miss my friends, but soemtimes i feel like they don't have time for me...and i'm too boring..which is true...but...like i just...sometimes i feel used, sometimes i feel like im just for convenience and other than that, i dont know..i feel like i have nothing..there is nothing here, i am always alone and i want things that i am not capable of having....pretty sure my friends purposely don't talk to me when i'm having issues...fair enough, so why do i always have to be there? okay not that i even want to talk right now...i just want someone to love me and hold me and take my mind off of this. i'm so sick of being alone..sometimes even living back with my parents looks like fun because at least there's someone there that i can talk to...someone who might actually care...

i keyed 2 orders for cancer medication today-one for 1988 and one for 1987-that is so sad...they could be...me..my friends..people i know

anyway-i think i awnt to disappear for a little bit..right now i feel so sick and exhausted...and like i'm going to vomit...disappearing may be a good idea anyway, since i'm pretty much invisible anyway