thinking

lately i've just felt so tired..like a useless blob..other than work, i come home, i eat, i watch tv, i go to bed...nothing at all, i hardly leave my apartment...i don't think that's okay at all. It's starting to depress me and make me think of other things that upset me. Just thinking back on things that...other people wouldn't remember. Like...why does everything ahve to revolve around a plan...why can't people just come visit to hang out for a weekend-like obviously its great if there's an event that happens that weekend, but why does scheduling have to revolve around something other than just getting to spend time with friends...it kind of makes me feel like that event means more than just the friendship...or...yeah...like come for me...not because of other things...i know i mean a lot to my friends, and i know that no one means to do this..i'm guilty of it too, but just thinking over it now...why do we do this...can't we just appreciate good friends and good times, whatever we are doing? i have a really bad inferiority complex, and a really huge fear of rejection and that's just..kind of what it feels like sometimes...i'm not saying that i'm against going to events during visits, its just like..lets have the emphasis on friendship and hanging out instead of that one thing...i dunno...it's just...relationships that are based around one sole interest don't seem to last as long or be as deep as one that is more personal and real...i'm not questioning any friendships that i have..it's just a thought..another thought is taht i hate how i feel like i have to justify everythig i say on this...i mean it's my blog, my thoughts, and if i'm hurt, i have the right to express it...not like i'd ever point anyone out anyway, it's just a venting...and i always feel like i'm hurting someone