faking it for mom

i just had to cut my bubie's hair...so surface..it seems like nothing, but i have a lot of frustration built up against my bubie..i love her so so much, but it frustrates me that she does not take her medicine or do what she is s upposed to do to gather more strength (she can go days without getting out of bed if no one makes her) and..it just frustrates me...i'm not in houston a lot and when i do, i would love it if she felt well enough to come out with us...out generally encompasses dinner one night either at a restaurant or someone's house in the family...most of the time she claims that she doesn't feel well and ends up not coming...and almost 90% of the time, she just doesn't feel like getting out of bed and getting dressed, so its not even the case that she doesn't feel well...and a huge part of the reason that she doesn't feel well is that she hardly gets out of bed or takes her meds...mom and i went to get mani pedis today for our birthdays (mine is tomorrow, hers is tuesday) and we tried to get my bubie to go and she just decided she wasn't feeling well. we are having a father's day brunch at our cousin's house tomorrow and she's already decided that she isn't going to that either...it just sucks seeing her like that..and on top of that, as far as her dimentia, she was having an off day today which made things a lot worse and hard to be there with. Back to me cutting her hair...way back when my mom was younger, i believe after one of my mom's sisters passed away, my bubie developed alopecia and has been wearing wigs ever since. on top of the depression of losing a child, the alopecia added to that, and I really believe that those two things started the downward spiral that eventually led to how she is now...she was ( and is) only happy when she sees her grandchildren and other than that, she doesn't take care of herself or care enough to...not that it would grow her hair back to anything full or decent, but just the fact that she can't amp herself up enough to want to go out and spend time with us so that we could take her somewhere to get her nails done, or get her hair trimmed...it's really difficult for me and i'm trying to keep it together and just be glad that i got to spend time with her today.