Peace of Life

"i just wanted to tell you i miss you"

coming from you..i just don't know-and you sent it to me via a message on tumblr...not text or email which would have been just a little more personal...not that i care...i just don't know what to do

i was doing so well these past...uhm 2 and a half months that we were out of touch...i was less stressed because i didn't worry about what you thought of what i was doing...i didn't have to read about your bullshit plans and psychoticness...and even though it hurts me that you're probably a more interesting friend than i am to our mutual friends, and i get angry every time i see it...I felt better about myself...i didnt have to walk on eggshells to talk to anyone, and I didn't have someone making me feel guilty about the way i am or what i do or what i have

you hurt me so bad...and i even promised myself before you that i'd never let a friend of mine control me and do that to me ever again...you tried to control me, and dictate things and tell me what I could and could not do..you tried to own/take credit for everything and really..how is that me being me? you made me feel bad about having plans and going out if you didnt and then tried to make me feel guilty about my MT job..you passive aggressively talked shit about me and then lied...and you ALWAYS tried to make yourself seem better than me...since when is life a competition...what I do has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU so why couldn't we just be friends..just because we're both gemini doesn't mean that our personalities clash..you are just a selfish and angry person...and you know what? that's fine, I'd love to be there for you and help you, but when I was, you either told me i wasn't good enough or ended up getting mad at me...you really need to take a second and reevaluate because i am NOT going to worship you and your antics, i'm not going to tell you that you and him are perfect together because right now, there's nothing there but a one sided crush....you're delisional and an attention whore and as mucha s you called me one, i was NEVER as bad as you are..and i've moved on now...I have other things to deal with and talk about...you seemed not to really want much to do with me after I stopped liking them...so what kind of friendship is that? and I really hope that you "missing" me is not your attempt to secure a place to stay in dallas when/if they come play there

i AM NOT doing fakeness or bullshit anymore-if you're ready to be a real friend, I'm ready to be friends, but I will NOT let you hurt me and get into my head like that again..I'm still working on the wounds from this first time...i don't need anymore

so for now, the message sits...I need to think...right now i'm thinking, either way i'm fucked-if i dont say anything, you'll post about how you made this huge effort and i just ignored you or was a bitch...if i do, you could hurt me again...or try to...