saw my grandmother this weekend-i think i made the situation a lot worse in my head...and i do feel a lot better that I got to spend time with her yesterday...but i can tell she is in pain and things are not well...her dementia has gotten so much worse...asking the same question or variation of a question every two minutes..and she's irritable...she does know who we all are, so that's good...
i spent good time with my dad, our relationship has become so much better ever since I've become independent...
i can also see changes in my youngest sister...i know she's been having trouble, but i feel like things might start coming together a little more for her...we saw beauty and the beast 3d...i definitely cried during the movie...i don't know why
ended up going out with my friends from high school last night to a benefit 80's party and then to a bar...it was the most fun that I've had in a while...i miss them so much...i guess they're the closest to "best friends" that I have..no matter how long we're away from each other, it's like it never happened...i miss them so much
also had great talks with my stepmom and my other grandmother and made a lot of realizations about life and what I need to do for myself...Instead of putting effort into dating, i'm going to put effort into putting myself out there...the rest will fall into place....i'm not going to date for dating's sake, but i'm also not going to get so excited over going on a few dates with someone and build a whole relationship in my head...just because i want a boyfriend so badly doesn't mean that the first guy i date next is going to be him.
my mom is doing okay right now..i think she's accepted the situation with her mom..but i'm so worried about her...times like this, i feel very guilty that i don't still live in houston with them
i haven't felt so loved in a while..this weekend was really necessary...for once, i didn't feel taken for granted, i didn't feel like i didn't belong, and i felt like i was wanted and enjoyed...i miss that feeling all the time
going to start working out again this week and add swimming in next week..its really time for me to just do this already..stop being a whiny ass bitch, get my fitness on, get the love that i deserve, and give the love to those that deserve it and not worry about everything else
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