Peace of Life

why did i fall off the face of the earth?

because when i complain, people pretty much tune me out....everyone's jobs suck..i get it...so am i allowed to complain about mine? i get the feeling that when i vent about work, my friends just get irritated with me and tune me out wiht the yeah..yeah...uh huh, yeah..stuff..the thing is, i'm unhappy, i need a social life here, i need to meet people...i feel like i'm boxed in...the issue is, most of my friends are NOT in dallas...so its a double edged sword..i can stay here and be miserable...or i can go viist people, spend money, but still come home and not have anyone here to be with..i love all my friends, but i am seriously driving msyelf crazy...like going back to therapy crazy..it is seriously time to get out there and start enjoying myself...the break from contact might have also been a subconscious thing...that i dont want things to come between us when i get social again...like this is stupid but that's how i feel..i just want friends. period...and i am really getting to a point where i need to be completely distanced from interests from a year-3 years ago...seriously it's just annoying...like i can't even anymore and part of it is because i'm so angry at myself for getting the way i was..that's the reason its been so hard for me to get back to normal...because i've seen waht stigma that behavior brings...how people at school seriously thought i was nuts and they didn't want to be friends with me..but now i'm not like that..i just enjoy music and happen to work with it al ittle...im scared i'm too immature for people my age and im scared i wont be able to find people who want to be friends with me...seeing these band-centric obsessions and posts make me angry at myself and annoyed at the people who are posting them...because that was me..and i own it..i don't regret it, but i'm angry at myself...i am always angry..and i dont want to hear about them.and i don't care

writing this is making me angrier..who cares if i can't stand them anymore...my real friends won't...and i mean...whatever.whatever..what the fuck ever..i jsut can't do taht anymore and i'm stuck in this mentality and id ont want to be...and i need to get out of it