lots of thoughts today

and you know what, i don't care

it's interesting to see who you're important to..maybe i sound self centered...im not philosophical or an expert on anything but myself and my feelings...i'm not trying to teach anything in here or impress anyone..this is me and i am human...a human who makes mistakes, words things badly, and has overwhelming emotions that, as hard as I've tried to in the past few weeks, i cannot keep from express

so when i feel like i'm invisible and unimportant, i don't think i'm imagining it

maybe its emphasized by my emotions
maybe its because i've taken in a whole lot of honesty in the past two weeks that has made me realize that im not worth to others what i thought I was

with that, i don't know what i'm going to do...i'm not having a good day and im a little lost in things...but right now i really feel like i've got no one to turn to, and i don't really know how accurate that is since i don't know where i stand with those who i would turn to...i've been working on opening up, but due to recent events, i don't know if it's even appropriate anymore

i
just
don't
know

i'm missing friends and conversations but at the same time, other friendships are going strong, but i can tell what i've decimated and desecrated and it hurts beyond belief; i've got holes inside of me and i can't fill them...nothing replaces anything

maybe this isnt important, but this is what i've got

sometimes i think that all i have is my friends

and other times i don't know what to do, and right now, this feels like one of the other times